It all happened so quickly and I was too stubborn and stupid to realise what I was doing. All I ever wanted was to have a good marriage, kids, job, home and a nice car and that’s what I had and then what I lost. Jake, my third kid was born on my 30th birthday. After leaving the hospital I went out clubbing and didn’t go home for two days. When I did we had the first of many messy and violent rows. It wasn’t long before I was making out that I was doing overtime and I’d go and sit in the pub for a few hours or drink in the car just down the street. I never wanted to leave but before long I found it impossible to face going home without being drunk. I just couldn’t handle the responsibility even though I loved them all to bits, I felt like I was still a kid myself. It was about 2 years ago that I was thrown out for good. I slept on mate’s sofas or in my car until I had to sell it. My life had become a succession of loss, my marriage, kids, job, self-respect and confidence. I was homeless with a probation order, so yeah my ‘downfall’ was proper.
Attending Blenheim was part of my order and at first I was pretty lousy at getting to my appointments. I should have slept in a doorway nearby earlier, most of the time I was waking up the other side of London without the bus fare to get there. But Blenheim didn’t give up and neither have I.
I took my mum to my keywork session recently, I just hoped that it would help her understand a little but I am not expecting too much from anyone until I can trust myself. I couldn’t cope with letting them all down again. I’m now in rehab. It’s hard but not as tough as waking up each morning without my kids jumping all over me. Miss that so much but then that’s my motivation for my